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I was hoping he liked doing it; I hoped I smelled and tasted OK. Was I crazy to agree to this? Would I be embarrassed by it the next day? As if on cue, Eric lifted his head and said reassuringly, "Your pussy is luscious.

I was too uptight, too nervous to cum, so he finally got up and put the rubber on his still-hard cock. I lifted my arms up to embrace him as he positioned his erection at my entrance.

He fell slowly forward and sank into my softness. I felt the pressure of the hard cock on my hymen. He moved in and out with shallow thrusts, gauging my tightness.

He was clearly experienced with the defloration process. I was glad one of us was. He said, "On the count of three, I'm going to push hard into you.

Is that OK? Split me open! Take me! My hymen gave way with a "snap! I held him as he fucked me until he came.

When he had finished, Eric lay close to me, cuddling and caressing me. I'd half expected him to doff the condom and run out the door but no, he kissed me and asked how I felt about the loss of my virginity.

I wasn't a little girl; I wasn't going to get overly emotional about it, but it was so nice of him to care. If I had been 16, it might have meant more.

I was happy to have done with it, frankly. Virginity is overrated. I was happier still to have lost it to someone so sexy and so solicitous of me.

As we lay on my bed, he actually started complimenting me on my body. This had to be a dream, right? However nice he was to me, I was under no illusion that we would become a "couple" after this and told him so.

He was caught off guard by that and hemmed and hawed before I let him off the hook with the question: "Do you have a thing for fat girls? Is that why you went out with me?

I'm glad you fucked me; really. You're very attractive. It was then that he surprised me by asking how open-minded I was. Or maybe abusive? I said warily that I was fairly open-minded, at least to a point.

He asked if I had done any modeling. Even the plus-sized store models were slimmer than I was. I didn't even know what a BBW was until he told me all about this phenomenon in the world of pornography.

He described how they set up the site and how they interviewed women to perform sexually with them in front of the camera. I was instantly deflated: it wasn't a dream; it was an audition.

He looked rather sheepish as he replied, "Please don't be angry, Celia. Tonight was really great. Like I said, you're very attractive; you'd be so hot on camera.

I was angry, hurt, irritatingly buoyed by the back-handed compliment, and intrigued all at the same time. Seeing that I hadn't firmly rejected the idea, Eric tried another tack: "Let's look at the site.

If you don't want to do it, forget I ever asked you. We navigated to the Web site and there were profiles of large women with images of them masturbating or sucking cocks or being fucked from behind.

I must admit that it was exciting as well as astonishing to see. I navigated through the "Free Tour" and asked Eric some questions. Were they already porn stars?

Their intent was that the production should not look too professional. So, the models needed to be the "girl next door" type.

Fat girl next door, of course. He and his friends did the fucking, etc. Oh, sure. The women on the site actually were amateur looking.

Some had tattoos, some had stretch marks, and all of them were fat. It's becoming lucrative; we're really starting to pull in the subscriptions.

We just got a good review from one of the bigger porn site reviewers. That's helped us. I think you'd be great. They always treat the girls respectfully, if that's what you're worried about.

No one you know is likely ever to see you. He started to feel my tits and I could see him getting hard again. We went back to the bed for another fucking after which Eric left, excusing himself with some story about needing to do some documentary editing early the next morning.

He kissed me good-bye very tenderly, though, and said, "Promise me you'll think about it? Think about it I did.

Of course, I had more than a few reservations. On the one hand, I'd had sex with an attractive man, more attractive than I'd been used to.

On the other hand, he fucked me as part of a strategy to help him make money by persuading me to perform sex acts in front of a video camera.

Still, that had its "plus" side, too. Before this evening, I would never have thought someone would pay money to watch fat women have sex.

It became apparent that a lot of people were prepared to do so; all they needed was an easily accessible place that provided them with continuously refreshed images and the assurance of anonymity.

In a fit of imagination inconceivable before this evening's events, I started to fantasize about having sex with attractive men on what was essentially a movie set.

I would be the star, the center of attention. More assertive sexuality than that probably wasn't in the cards for me. I decided that I should really think about this seriously.

If I was going to blow and fuck guys like Eric and even get paid for it I liked the way he made love to me, even if he had been sneaky about the modeling proposal.

I knew all along that I wasn't the prize he made me out to be. Though I had suspended my disbelief while it was happening, I was back to reality now.

Still, he got it up for me more than once tonight. That was something. I also thought of the down side. First of all, would I have the nerve just to take my clothes off in front of people, let alone have sex?

Wouldn't I be embarrassed to have my sexual performance available for anyone to see? What if someone I knew saw it and recognized me?

Wouldn't I be stigmatized? Wouldn't I lose my job? Wouldn't the evidence of my depravity cause me to be ostracized from the rest of society a society that didn't like me that much anyway, I reminded myself and condemn me to a downward-spiraling life first of pornographic sluthood, then drugs, and finally, crime?

I saw myself disheveled, without makeup, clad in gray, and sitting alone in a prison cell as the bars clanged shut.

As part of his entreaty, Eric had given me a temporary password to the site. I returned to it, curious about these women who seemed to have risked everything for a few minutes of fame Were they social deviants — ex-cons and biker chicks?

Were they on drugs during the shoot? As it turned out, none of that was true. As I watched them, I was struck by how ordinary they looked.

These were women I might see anywhere: shopping in the grocery store, standing in line at the movies, or Did men really get off seeing fat women fucked and cummed on?

Well, apparently they did. I noticed, too, that the men in the films the same two, by the way really were respectful of the women as Eric said they were.

They complimented them and treated them in a way that I thought was reserved only for the slinkier among us. I had been prepared to see something bordering on the grotesque.

Instead, what I saw was plus-sized women having explicit sex with normal-sized men and accepting it as their due. No one made fun of them.

There was no humiliation involved. There was the impression only of lust and pleasure for both the male and the female. It occurred to me that there was something both uninhibited and accepting about it that was missing in most of the rest of society and certainly in my life.

About a week later, I got up the courage to call Eric. I was hoping you'd call," he said. I asked him if I could watch a filming, if that was allowed.

They didn't let just anyone on the set but that they were always happy, understandably, to have prospective models come to check things out.

He told me they were filming the next Sunday morning and asked if I would I like to see how things were done.

I swallowed hard and said "Yes. I arrived at the location, a house in a nice, quiet neighborhood. I knocked on the door, hoping I hadn't gotten the address wrong.

A guy opened the door, introduced himself as Terry, and said, "You must be Celia. C'mon in. Eric said you'd be coming over.

He said you might be working with us. I also met David. He was sort of nerdy compared to the rest of the guys, shy but very nice and kind of cute.

David was the one who took care of the technology on the set and maintained the Web site as well. He was busily preparing the monitor and the digital recording equipment.

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